just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
