I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
