Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
