It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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