Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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