I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
