so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
