My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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