just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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