So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
