You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
