i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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