Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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