she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
