I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
