I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
