Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
me + whiskey = a bad person
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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