That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
