He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
