Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize