pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
