I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize