I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
