how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
