Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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