TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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