Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
