Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
