paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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