New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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