I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
