Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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