Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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