Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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