we're chasing vodka with high fives
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are my feet made of real feet?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
