he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
