my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize