Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
