I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
