i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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