why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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