I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
