.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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