Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
