Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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