Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize