Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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