where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
