I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
