me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
