My brain says no but my pants say off.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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