just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
