I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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