i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
