dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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