I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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