I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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