Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
