So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
