I didn't shave. On purpose
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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