Im at strip club and am horny
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
