If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
