i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
