my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
