"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
