Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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