yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
