It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
