dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
