If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
