Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
