What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
