p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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